Can't Catch a Break
by Mach2K
Summary: Every time they turn around, the King of Evil is back to cause trouble! What's a fisherman with a world-saving problem to do?


"… and so, in recognition of the deeds he has done, as well as vanquishing the King of Evil, Ganondorf, I award Link, the Hero of Hyrule, with an honorary Knighthood," Zelda announced. The guard at her right held out the ceremonial sword, hilt-first, and she grasped it, raising it into the air.

Link knelt, as they had rehearsed, and she gently lowered the blade, touching it to his shoulders, letting it rest a beat on each one.

"For an exemplary example, demonstrating great courage in facing the greatest threat we have encountered, and keen wisdom in unlocking the challenges that were presented him, and for preserving the…" her voice quavered, slightly, neither of them really liked to mention that third quality, "power of the kingdom in the goodness of his deeds."

She handed the sword back to the guard, and it was taken away.

"You may rise."

Link did so.

"As well as the knighthood, you will also be rewarded to a monthly stipend, paid out by the kingdom's estate in recognition, and a parcel of land, to the south, near Lake Hylia."

He dared to glance at her and saw that they were both smiling a little; she'd remembered his predilection.

"And of course, most importantly, a well-earned vacation," she added, and there was a polite ripple of laughter in the attending crowd, rich with relief.

/

Link thunked the ten rupees down on the counter, and was pleasantly surprised when the proprietor shoved it back.

"Your money's no good here, sir—as far as I see it, I wouldn't still have this shop without you!"

Link dipped his head in acknowledgement and went to put the money away.

"Though—if you don't mind, it'll be 3 rupees for the fishing pole rental."

He raised an eyebrow at the cheeky fishing pond owner, and left some of the rupees on the counter, taking the pole in his left hand.

"You know what you need to do, right?"

Link nodded, and turned and went towards the pond. The air had a fishy smell, but mostly it smelled of the flowering plants, the slight stink of rotting vegetation. Link eyed the fish under the surface. Under the lily pads kept the smaller ones, snapping at bugs on the surface. In the center, near the sunken logs and wavering kelp, was a better deal. Bigger fish knew to hide there, to avoid predators. But Link liked to start off slow, working his way up.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, then made his decision to cast.

The door of the fishing hole gate slammed open.

"Sir! A message! From Her Majesty!"

Link jumped to attention, and the owner looked alarmed at the guard bursting in, out of breath and panicked.

"It's him! The King of Evil! He's returned!"

Link glanced to the owner, then followed the guard at a run. He was up on his horse almost before the guard, and was running alongside him, back towards the castle. Already, he could see the dark thunderclouds collecting on the horizon, swirling around the castle.

His horse put on a true burst of speed, and he beat the guard back to the castle, jumping off and doing a little roll as soon as he hit the gate at the moat, running nearly up to the door, his anxiety at a fever pitch. He didn't have a sword, but this was a fleeting thought as he flung himself at the castle doors, smashing them open.

Ganondorf was holding Zelda hostage at the throne, her arms pinned behind her back by him, her kneeling on the floor with her hair in her face.

"Come at me now, boy! Come at me, while your queen is my hostage!"

Link dare not approach him, not when he had Zelda in his grasp. He looked around frantically, and in a burst of inspiration, he snapped the fishing pole in half and hurled the heavier half at Ganondorf.

The broken pole hurtled through the air and struck true, driving deep into the glowing wound in Ganondorf's forehead. Ganondorf screamed with pain and clutched at his forehead, releasing Zelda from his grasp. She ran and hid behind Link, and he pushed her back, throwing his arms out at his sides in case Ganondorf should attack them.

But that blow seemed to have done the trick; Ganondorf crumpled and fell, and soon his form exploded into a million bits of light. Link looked around suspiciously, Zelda's fists digging into the back of his tunic, but it truly seemed Ganondorf was gone.

"Oh Goddesses thank you, Link," Zelda breathed, finally feeling safe to let him go. "He seemed to come out of nowhere."

He turned, touching her cheek to see if she was well, and she smiled and stepped back from his grasp.

"I am sure I am quite well. Thank you."

He nodded once, as the guards clustered back around the two of them, patting Link on the back for a job well done.

/

"In recognition of again, succeeding and answering the call of Hero, I grant thee, Link, a second Knighthood."

Again, she dipped the sword to his shoulders.

"As well as a bonus to his stipend, as well as an extra parcel of land to expand his home."

He stood and bowed, and Zelda returned the sword.

"And also, my sincerest apologies, for interrupting your rest."

Again, the polite laughter in the crowd.

/

Not long after, Link had returned to the fishing hole. He paid for a new pole rental, as well as the one that had been burnt up in Ganondorf's demise ("Sorry, but you really shouldn't have left with it…"), and he walked back out to the little round shore that circled the pond, glad to be back in the familiar, relaxing scene.

It was late in the day, and there was a hint of rain in the air. He hoped it did rain; even though he would be soaked through quickly enough, it always excited the fish. They confused the raindrops for bugs on the water surface. There were some big ones circling around today, which delighted him. Ganondorf hadn't put up much of a fight, and he was feeling restless because of it.

He spotted the fish he wanted, cleared his throat—

The door flew open with a bang.

"Sir! Sir! It's… it's indescribable—he's back! Again! He's back!"

Link was stunned. He glanced to the shop owner, then to the guard, and this time he dropped the fishing pole and ran to the guard, feeling panicked. How?! How did this keep happening?

Zelda must've uttered some word to the guards, for this time he was given a sword as he mounted up. The ominous clouds were again scuttling over the castle, and Link's horse ran like madness to the castle. He rode her right up to the castle door, not wanting to miss a second—surely this time, Ganon meant business, and might not wait for Link to make an entrance before he did something to Her Majesty.

Ganon had learned, apparently; he lurked behind Zelda, holding her before him like a shield. Zelda stared at Link with panicked eyes, uncomprehending eyes. How had this happened?!

"What have you got this time, boy?!" Ganondorf shouted, his head peeking over Zelda's shoulder. "Playing cards, mayhap?! A pair of dice?"

Link showed him the sword, and in response, Ganondorf shoved Zelda away. She stumbled down the two steps leading to the throne and scrambled desperately away from him.

Link stormed up to the throne, where Ganondorf greeted him with open arms, laughing. At some point he'd found a helmet or something similar, and had covered the glowing hole in his head.

Apparently, he had neglected the gash in his stomach, and Link immediately plunged the sword deep into it, then ran back, grabbing Zelda and covering her with his body as again, Ganondorf's body exploded into light.

He looked back hesitantly after several minutes of silence, and Zelda sighed in relief.

"Oh Link, isn't it the strangest thing?" she murmured, looking to him.

He nodded his agreement.

/

They were still sweeping up bits of the Evil King when Zelda awarded Link a medal of honor, an additional bonus to his stipend, and a small apartment in the trendy part of the market town, to be kept in living condition by a maid for whenever Link longed to use it.

"If you get a chance between these attacks!" she joked, and the laughter was a little more subdued, a little less polite.

"Just the three rupees, today."

Link strode directly out towards the pond, hoping that maybe this time, he'd be able to pull it off. He knew exactly the spot he wanted to cast in, right in the shallows, where there was a big fish, warming itself in the sunlit water.

He took a little breath and planted his feet, and raised the fishing pole—

"Sir!"

Link glanced back over his shoulder, the guard somewhat out of breath, the fishing owner looking rather peeved at the divot in the wood all this door-flinging-open was creating.

Link strode quickly to the door, dropping off the fishing pole and climbing onto his horse. The guard handed him the sword once more, and they rode towards the castle, where the sky looked rather overcast, comparatively.

Ganondorf had found himself a fancy piece of chest armor to match the helmet. He held Zelda tightly by one arm, and she looked more irritated at this interruption to important matters of state than scared.

"Kill me once, shame on you. Kill me twice, shame on me!" he leered.

"He's killed you three times," Zelda muttered, shaking her head.

"SILENCE!" Ganondorf roared. Link took the opportunity to run at him again, swinging the sword. Ganondorf deflected the first blow, and it was then that Link saw the gap in the armor along his side. Link feinted another swing, making Ganondorf raise his arm again, and instead he plunged it into his side, aiming for that glowing scar, hoping to strike true.

As was his gift in sword-fighting, he did. Ganondorf screamed in agony and Zelda wrenched herself free, and Link pulled her away from the writhing form seconds before it exploded.

"We simply must figure out how this is happening," Zelda muttered.

Link nodded.

/

"And so… once more, we honor him."

The crowd to see Link's accolades was significantly smaller than it had been. Zelda took the sword and gave Link's shoulders a quick little tap.

"More money, more… more land, I suppose… and a maid at the house as well. Is that…" she glanced to a guard. "Does that seem fair?"

The guard shrugged.

"Link?"

Link shrugged.

"Well. Thank you… again. Hopefully, there shan't be a fifth time!"

A few in the crowd chuckled weakly.

/

Link stood at the fishing pond counter for several minutes, waiting, his fists bunched up. The owner looked at him, uncertain.

"Sir? You uh… you wanna fish, or what?"

Link held up a hand, waiting a minute longer. Finally, he exhaled in relief, paid for a pole, and went to the edge of the water.

And the door opened.

"Uh… sir?" the guard called.

Link sighed. He handed the pole back. He took the sword. He climbed up on his horse and they trotted over the field, with a quick look at the cloudy sky over the castle.

This time, there was no mistaking it. Zelda was clearly annoyed, her hands on her hips. Ganondorf wasn't even bothering to hold her now, he was just standing around, tapping his foot with his arms folded. He'd added some shoddy patching to the side of the armor, it seemed.

Link waited around for a minute, staring at his adversary, until Ganondorf growled.

"Come on boy, fight me! See if you can keep felling the Great King!"

Link attacked him half-heartedly, lazily swinging his sword and guessing at Ganondorf's each deflection. Finally, the king roared and reached out to grab him. Link stepped inside his reach, knocked the helmet off his head, and plunged the sword into the glowing wound on his head.

Zelda walked away from them as Link stepped back, out from under Ganondorf's outstretched arms, and the two of them watched as again, Ganondorf exploded into light.

Zelda glanced at Link and folded her arms. "Well."

/

"Thank you."

Slap of the blade on both shoulders. She was getting a little rough with it now, he noticed.

"I don't know…" she sighed. "A… new sword? Clothes?" A small, slight councilor stepped up and whispered in her ear. "Unfortunately, I've been advised that we cannot really afford to give you another bonus to your stipend… a seat on my council, I guess?"

Link shrugged.

"I'm literally running out of awards," she joked.

One of the few loiterers, waiting for their chance to petition the throne, coughed.

/

This time, Link waited a good half hour before paying for the fishing pole. But he'd barely made it from the counter when the door opened, just a crack.

"Exc… excuse me, sir."

Link turned around, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry, but… y'see…"

Link took his time getting to the castle, whose sky was more or less unchanged, compared to the other. He strolled calmly into the castle, after pausing a moment or two to peruse some of the market stalls.

Zelda was sitting in her throne, bored, propping her head up on one hand. One leg was crossed over the other, and she was jiggling her foot slightly, while glaring at Ganondorf, who stood around awkwardly, trying to make small talk with the courtiers that ignored him.

Link folded his arms. Ganondorf didn't notice him right away, but when he did, he immediately dropped the one-sided conversation and laughed, waving his fists in the air.

"Ha! Ha…. ha! You've… returned! Again!"

Zelda rolled her eyes, and Link tried not to laugh.

"This time… THIS time… surely! You will fall, and I will rule!"

"Link, please," Zelda said, rubbing her forehead. "I have work to do, and he keeps scaring all my advisors."

Ganondorf looked tired, and bored. Link looked him up and down, then gestured him forward.

Ganondorf hesitated a second. "What is this, a trick?"

Link gestured again, staring at the Evil King.

Finally, Ganondorf approached him, and Link turned away, walking.

"How—how DARE you turn your back on me! I could kill you with a thought!"

Link ignored him, and kept walking, and reluctantly Ganondorf followed along behind.

/

The owner stared at the Evil King, not taking his eyes off him as Link flung down the money for two poles, and turned to put his wallet away.

"There's… there's also the entry fee, sir," the owner mumbled.

Link glanced to Ganondorf, who shrugged. "I uh… I don't have any… money…"

With an irritated sigh, Link handed over the additional money for the entrance fee, and took up the two poles. As they approached the edge of the water, the owner finally managed to call out, "do you know what you're doing?"

Finally, Link was able to cast his line. After several clumsy minutes of muttering and examining the fishing pole, Ganondorf flung it down and roared, scaring all the fish into hiding.

"THIS MAKES NO SENSE!" he shouted, and began to summon a sphere of dark energy.

Link slapped his hands with an angry frown, and put the pole back into Ganondorf's hands, reeling in his line and showing Ganondorf how to cast and reel. The King of Evil understood within minutes, and soon he was casting with ease, reeling in again. Link had to patiently show him how to cast and wait, wait for the nibble of a fish. But every time, Ganondorf would jerk the pole into the air and shout with fiendish excitement.

"I'VE GOT ONE."

Link stopped him, and showed him how to bait the fish, to wait it out, and reel it in once it was caught good. It took some time, which didn't help with Ganondorf shouting what he considered encouragement ("KILL HIM! BRING DESTRUCTION UPON HIM AND HIS FAMILY IF HE DEFIES YOU!") but soon Link had a nice little three-pounder on the end of his line.

Ganondorf poked at the fish, which squirmed and thrashed at his touch, and Link released the fish from the hook and put it back in the water.

"… that's it?" Ganondorf asked after a minute.

Link nodded.

Ganondorf considered, then gave it a try. In several minutes, he had a twelve-pounder thrashing on the end of the hook, and he bellowed with laughter and shook the fish in Link's face.

"YOU SEE, BOY?! YOU SEE?! THIS IS WHY I AM THE KING! WHY I DESERVE HYRULE! EVEN YOUR CATCHES ARE SHRIMPY!"

Link casted again, ignoring the thrashing fish, even as it sprayed scales and water on his face with its dancing. When its writhing was slowing down, Link glanced at the fish, then at Ganondorf.

"I need you to take it off the line," Ganondorf muttered.


End file.
